Congratulations, you're a sell-out

Today's post is about the line between accessibility and academia. Quite a wide margin, one might think. But the pitfalls are the greatest for the people who fall on one side or the other. So, what's the difference?

First, let's examine the difference between the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit. The Lord of the Rings, as you may well know, is academia at its heaviest and least accessible. You can read it, sure, but its lumbering prose lulls you into a stupor faster than almost anything else. The lengthy musings on bloodlines and rightful heirs only serves to worsen things. I've read it, don't get me wrong, and I plan to read it again. It's just a bit more of a chore than I would like it to be.

Okay, so how does the Hobbit differ from this? Well, first off, the Hobbit is often described as a children's novel. Not that I think it detracts from the book at all, it simply means that the writing is a little more light-hearted and the story a little less gloomy. To me, this is a very good book. It may skim over the bad parts, and the story and characters may be a little underdeveloped, but it succeeds in what it attempts to achieve, and that is to entertain.

Now let's enter the other end of the spectrum entirely. Take a series like Twilight, or Fifty Shades of Grey. The two are interchangeable for me. The writing is in first person, description is almost non-existent.It focuses on an obsession with a single man - his life consumes the protagonist's existence. It's supposed to be a book one can slip in to - to be the protagonist, to forget she's even there. Simplistic writing (read: no big words) lets the less academic demographic, and the readers who are not avid readers, engage easily with the story. This expanded readership results in widespread liking for the novel, resulting in a cult following (or at least very high sales).

Before you consider writing a book like that and becoming filthy rich, observe the trends in the market. Since both Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey, thousands of copycats of each have flooded the market, some of them vastly better than what came before. None of them have reached the cult popularity of the first. If you're going to write something, either make sure it's sufficiently set apart from the current obsession, or make it good. Really good. Maybe it's not accessible enough to create a cult following, and you may not get movies, but it will last a hell of a lot longer than Twilight.

Fanfiction's Unavoidable Mistress

If you've been reading any amount of fanfiction (or doing some writing yourself), she will definitely seem familiar to you. She is Mary Sue. For those of you unfamiliar with the term (or anyone else, for that matter), take a look at this article. It will tell you all you ever need to know.

However, that isn't the real reason I'm writing this. No, this blog post it devoted to that much-asked question - Is Bella Swan really a Mary Sue or not? Now this may also seem like a much-answered question, but I'd like to break with the rest of the field and really put it to the test. A Litmus Test. This one, in fact.

Right, now let's go through the questions. First, is the character named after you? A quick google search tells me no. Though, quite interestingly, four of her five siblings are called Seth, Emily, Jacob and Paul. Sound familiar, anyone? This woman really isn't very inventive.

Okay, I'll tackle the next ones together. Unusual spelling, uncommon, unnecessary punctuation, and more than one first, middle or last name can all be crossed off. But, is it a name she really likes. One must assume so, since she did pick it for her main character. There are two more ticks in this section, for describing her personality (a bit of a stretch, I know, but Bella does mean beautiful) and for her having a nickname.

Now for appearance, and I'll be damned if I read them all out. If you must know every single question, do it yourself, reader. I picked four ticks in this section: one for exceptional beauty, a second for many characters being attracted to her, a third for an otherwise chaste/stoic character being attracted to her (hello, Edward) and a fourth for eyes that reflect hidden depths. The last one I got from reading the incomplete draft of Midnight Sun (forgive me, readers! Curiousity, as you know, killed the cat).

Five ticks in character, and I'll confess I'm learning something about all of the different elements of a Mary Sue. Bella Swan is of above average intelligence (she reads Wuthering Heights when she's bored), she has angst (about Edward), she has been abducted and also physically abused (another stretch, because she kind of gave herself to the kidnapper), and she ran away from home. Next.

Furthermore, she is kind of physically handicapped (the way Meyer describes her clumsiness, she would have to be). A physical 'flaw would be that her "lips are too full for her face". She remains in a relationship and has a child (though it's kind of half-vampire, which is weird). Lastly, she is selfishly manipulative. I mean, she got Jacob to mend a bike for her just so she could 'hear' Edward again.

I'm gonna say that Bella's 'superpower' is invulnerability, though it's really invulnerability to other vampires' powers. But it's a power, and that's what's important. Though it's really just a guess, I'm saying Bella has the same taste in books and music as her creator. Let me know if you disagree.

She's a vampire. Next.

Top of her class... maybe. The way S Meyer talks about it, you'd think there was a genius hiding under those brown waves and 'deep', rather, deeply expressionless eyes. So that gets a tick. Oh wait a moment, she top of the class in Biology! Definite tick. She has her own disposable income, as of Eclipse.

Okay, the Plot, and this is where it gets really Sue-ish. Everyone significant has heard of and likes her (because Bella's school friends apparently don't matter). She (almost) suffers punishment for a crime she didn't commit, that is for having made an immortal child. She falls in love with and has sex with a character Stepehnie Meyer would presumably find attractive. Edward nurses her back to health in the first book, and she 'dies' a romantic death in his arms in the last book (only to be resurrected).

Finally. I'll leave the last section blank, because I'm not Stephenie Meyer. I wonder if anyone would be able to trick her in to doing the test? That would certainly be interesting, as long as she was honest.

Results time. 48 points! (even without Meyer's answers)

Mary-Sue. Your character needs some work in order to be believable. But despair not; you should still be able to salvage her with a little effort. Don't give up.

Yeah, right. I think this should have answered the question once and for all. I don't think she's believable either. Until next time my dear readers, Adieu.